The King and the Pirate
There once was a poor man who went
along day after day saying, “If anyone gives me a ship, I will sail the seven seas
and give to them half of my riches that I scavenge.” So this poor man
would go along day after day saying, “If anyone gives me a ship, I will sail the
seven seas and give to them half of my riches.”
One one day the poor man was passing by the palace and the king happened to be there. The poor man repeated, “If anyone gives me a ship, I will sail the seven seas and give them half of my riches found in my voyages.” The king with a sense of honesty told the poor man, “That usually does not happen with the forgetfulness and greed in the hearts of men nowadays.”
The poor man answered, “I shall not be one of those men and I will not forget the actions of kindness done to me.” So the man went on still in high spirits repeating the same thing he had said many times before. On another day the poor man came across one of the king's naval admiral and told him, “If anyone gives me a ship, I will sail the seven seas and give them half of my riches.”
The admiral answered, “I have seen many of my crewmen be granted the gift of a ship and all of them were filled with greed and instead they sought to kill and steal from those who only granted them good."
The poor man answered, “I will not be like those men. Instead I will remember the good acts of those who have done them.” So the poor man continued believing and repeating that he would sail the seven seas and give the half the riches found to the person who would give him a ship. There the poor man came across a merchant on the docks of the harbor and said, “If anyone gives me a ship, I will sail the seven seas and give them half of my riches found in my voyages.” The merchant then responded, “That is not true. I gave one of my good sailors a ship once. In return he became a pirate and stole from me.”
One one day the poor man was passing by the palace and the king happened to be there. The poor man repeated, “If anyone gives me a ship, I will sail the seven seas and give them half of my riches found in my voyages.” The king with a sense of honesty told the poor man, “That usually does not happen with the forgetfulness and greed in the hearts of men nowadays.”
The poor man answered, “I shall not be one of those men and I will not forget the actions of kindness done to me.” So the man went on still in high spirits repeating the same thing he had said many times before. On another day the poor man came across one of the king's naval admiral and told him, “If anyone gives me a ship, I will sail the seven seas and give them half of my riches.”
The admiral answered, “I have seen many of my crewmen be granted the gift of a ship and all of them were filled with greed and instead they sought to kill and steal from those who only granted them good."
The poor man answered, “I will not be like those men. Instead I will remember the good acts of those who have done them.” So the poor man continued believing and repeating that he would sail the seven seas and give the half the riches found to the person who would give him a ship. There the poor man came across a merchant on the docks of the harbor and said, “If anyone gives me a ship, I will sail the seven seas and give them half of my riches found in my voyages.” The merchant then responded, “That is not true. I gave one of my good sailors a ship once. In return he became a pirate and stole from me.”
So the poor man discouraged sought
the king once again. “Unfortunate man, will you ever forget the favors?” asked
the king. “Never will I forget a benefit,” answered the poor man.
"Then here is a ship with a crew that will serve at your every command,” said the king. So the poor man was intrigued by a pirates life rather then that of a merchants life. So the poor man ventured off on voyages becoming a pirate and with that he became richer than ever before. When time came he did not give half of his earnings to the king and the king let it pass. The king did this because he knew eventually the poor man would have to pay up.
"Then here is a ship with a crew that will serve at your every command,” said the king. So the poor man was intrigued by a pirates life rather then that of a merchants life. So the poor man ventured off on voyages becoming a pirate and with that he became richer than ever before. When time came he did not give half of his earnings to the king and the king let it pass. The king did this because he knew eventually the poor man would have to pay up.
One day the now ungrateful man saw
one of the king’s merchant ships that was carrying treasures of the king. So he
seized the king's vessel and took everything it had with him. As he looted the ship other royal ships had surrounded the ungrateful man's ship. The royal ships seized the ungrateful man's ship and left him and his men for dead. Together
with his crew the ungrateful man was left floating in the sea shipless and treasureless.
Author’s Note: This Story was inspired by the story The Wizard and the Beggar found in Laos-Folklore by Katherine Neville Fleeson (1899). The story of the wizard and the beggar tells of a man who claimed that he would remember the benefit of the man who would give him all the food he could desire to eat. So the story goes and tell that man eventually forgets all the benefits given to him. The wizard then gives the beggar a jewel that grants him anything he wants and the wizard keeps a jewel that allows him to fly. The beggar then gets greedy and tries to kill the wizard and steal the other jewel form him and in the end is left with nothing. My story is pretty similar because I didn't change the fact that the beggar is a poor man. The big thing I changed was the fact that he wants a ship to sail the seven seas and become rich. I keep the fact that he does not pay up to his benefactor and in the end is left with nothing.
(Pirate Ship)
After reading your story, I read the original as I was really confused by the continuous repetition of the same phrase. However, it appears in the original as well and now I can appreciate it as something you carried over into your retelling!
ReplyDeleteMy suggestions for your story would be to remember that every time someone new speaks, it's a new line. Commas are placed in sentences where it either links together two clauses, adds something descriptive to the sentence that could be removed, or where if one were reading the lines out loud, you would take a breath.
Example:
So the poor man discouraged sought the king once again. “My loyal kin will you ever forget the benefits?” asked the king. “Never will I forget a benefit,” answered the poor man.
I would edit it like this:
The poor man, discouraged, sought the king out once more.
"My loyal kin, would you ever forget the benefits?" The king asked.
"Never will I forget a benefit." Answered the poor man.
On the whole, I really enjoyed how you changed the setting. It really focuses the story and the ending seems really poignant. Great job!
Hi again Angel!
ReplyDeleteYou're story was very interesting and entertaining! I was engaged the whole time. I think the story had a good flow overall. I think it was clever and effective to have the poor beggar repeating the same phrase to different people. However, at the very beginning of the story you pretty much said the exact same thing in the first two sentences and I thought it was a little redundant. I think a good lesson was taught here. Your author's note was very helpful to describe the plot and your changes to it. I think changing from a jewel to a ship was an awesome idea and made for a good story. Overall nice job!
Hi, Angel!
ReplyDeleteGREAT story!
Your writing style was compelling and kept me interested the entire time.
The way you organized your paragraphs was also good. The way you spaced everything out kept me engaged.
I really appreciate how detailed your author's note was. It made the story make sense and brought everything together.
The ungrateful man still losing everything was a great tribute to the original story.
Overall, great job! I can't wait to read more of your stories.
Your story is very interesting! I really hate that he straight up turned into the very thing he promised not too. How could the man go around begging and promising to give half of his riches to people and being sad when they refused him. It is really sad that he let greed over come him. I do like how the king finally gave in and let him have a ship. That was very nice of him. He also proves to be very kind hearted he is by not getting too upset and letting time and karma take care of the man. I found myself cheering for something to put the pirate in his place since he did not keep his side of the bargain. It would not have been difficult for him to send some of his riches to the king. It would have been the right thing to do. However, he did turn into a pirate. I am glad that he finally met his match on the royal ship.
ReplyDeleteHey Angel!
ReplyDeleteThis story was great and I feel like it expressed a very important and meaningful moral that is very crucial to modern times and in our society today. Too many people take the little bit that is given to them and they become very greedy and take advantage of many people. In the end, karma catches up to them and they end up with nothing. I enjoyed the picture of the shit at the end, too. That helped me better imagine the story and what is going on. I only saw a few grammatical errors but nothing too major. This was very entertaining and your intriguing word choices made it different than other stories I have read. After reading your author’s note, I was able to understand the story better and that answered a lot of the questions I had while I was reading the story. This was an emotional read because I found myself hating and loving characters all at the same time. Overall, great story!
Angel,
ReplyDeleteI am glad that I decided to come back to your project. Last time I came to your portfolio I read your story "Nobody". I was very impressed by that story. This week, I came and read this story. I was not disappointed at all! Great job! I was confused by the repetition of phrases but when they story kept unfolding I realized that the "beggar" or the man was going around saying this in hopes of finding someone that would help him out with his desires. I think that this is a very important moral in our society now. There are many people that go around asking for help and they say that they will not forget about those that have helped them reach their success. However, we find that often times these people reach their destiny and they forget about those that were with them before their "riches". For that reason, I really enjoyed that you chose this story to retell. You did a great job keeping me engaged!